Heartburn

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Let me tell you all a story about a girl who once meant the world to me.
And right now, she’s someone who can’t even look at me.
Yeah!

You see, I’m not a toy,
Yeah I did fall for your coy,
But I’m not gonna let you take the joy out of this!
So before you enjoy, like nothing happened, with your homeboy,
Just remember what happened to Troy,
And wait till I completely destroy you.

Rewind to the time when we met at a strange place,
Where people bought glory and bet their souls instead.
Like fish out of water, we fret about what lay ahead.
And then you played that card, I take the hat off my head!
Maybe you schemed for days and said “I need you”,
To a lost boy who’s been ignored since his grade two.
He thought you’ll fit, like two puzzle pieces;
But it turned out you’re the hammer that broke everything in the first place.
You’ve hung on to me for too long like a parasite,
Well, this is my medication, I’m putting up a fight!

Oh yeah!

For a while, your presence was kind of dope.
My sunshine, my moon, my only ray of hope!
We’d have been great together you know, I’d made all kind of plans:
Like spending Spring in the Bahamas watching sunset, hand in hand.
But no! You squashed my face and revealed your ploy.
It’s all just an act, so that you could choose nerdy homeboy.
Who fixed the broken parts of you back together again? I did.
Who stayed awake all night calmly wiping your tears? I did.
Who told you to take your nose out of those dusty textbooks? I did.
Like we live only once, who taught you to live? I did!
And what you did? You chose Mr Goody-past-his-prime,
And acted as if I was the one who committed the crime!
You break people, then use their parts to climb up without a care ,
What you don’t know, the ladder’s drenched with blood and tears.
You’ll soon slip, and also you ain’t that small!
The bigger you’ll be, the harder you’ll fall.
Now don’t try to talk, please I beg of thee.
You have given me a heartburn with all the shit you’ve fed me.
You feel bad? Aww! Oh please cry me a river!
Why don’t you take a selfie with that poor orphan suffering from fever?
Those beautiful souls don’t even know the devil walks among them!
A greedy wretch who sells their innocence for fame.

I thank you so much, you helped me cut my cocoon,
Now these claws won’t stop, they’ll come for you soon.
They’ll scribble up a storm, it’s music’s your dirge.
Wherever you run, from there it will emerge !
He’ll work a 9 to 5 job, he won’t heed your new perfume,
And all through the day your neighbour’ll blast my rap at full volume.
Maybe you’ll beg me to forgive, saying your heart’s too heavy;
But I won’t be able to, since you never had any.

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Rise

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You are running on a strenuous road,
Your feet strike a boulder hard.
You fall down, people laugh as if they should,
No one comes to help you out.

The sun will rise again tomorrow,
The stars will shine again tonight.
They will condemn your guts today,
And soon they will hate you for your might.

They never knew how to run, never tried to,
But they know how to mock your grit.
They’ll make you think that you should give up,
Like they did with their empty story, that’s it.

The sun will rise again tomorrow,
The stars will shine again tonight.
They will condemn your eyes today,
And soon they will hate you for your sight.

You’re trying hard, but fate won’t help you anymore,
You push up, expectations let you down.
Remember why your run started,
And your nerve will soon deliver your crown.

The sun will rise again tomorrow,
The stars will shine again tonight.
They will condemn your quill today,
And soon they will hate you for your flight.

Let your broken spirit heal itself,
By reminding what you’ve renounced till now.
Just keep your chin up and look forward,
And soon destiny will bend to your vow.

The sun will rise again tomorrow,
The stars will shine again tonight.
They will condemn your guts today,
And soon they will hate you for your might.

The Jar

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“One order fulfilled, one turn of the lid”
I will never forget this phrase, or its variations, for the rest of my short life.

I still remember the day when I opened my eyes and saw that ugly opaque lid above me, the lid of the jar in which I was kept. Looking around, I found that my jar had only four things inside. A bed, a cupboard, me and my thoughts. The last thing was the dearest to me. In my thoughts I could see myself flying above the hills with the birds, occasionally coming down to eat fruits from the trees and drink from the river. In my thoughts I was not a captive of the jar.

Fortunately the walls were transparent, so I gazed outside. There were others, similar to me, but different in every way. All of them dressed the same. Neither did they talk to each other, nor did they seem to think. Those robots seemed to roam around lifelessly in specific paths at specific times.

At first I was least bothered about my situation. The cupboard gave me almost everything I could ever ask for. Books. Pictures. Food. Fancy clothes. But not people. Not freedom. Soon, I longed for someone to talk to me. I longed to see the bright blue sky for once. So one day, I went towards the nearby wall and called out.

I swear they could hear me, I could see their peeking eyes, but no one replied.I screamed until one day only my lips could move. My eyes were about to give out when, with my droopy vision I saw the lips of a robot moving. I’m sure it was directed to me as they said the dreaded phrase.
“One order fulfilled, one turn of the lid”

What order? No one even talked to me and here I was supposed to follow some order! And then it dawned on me. Maybe I was supposed to be like them. They are outside unlike me, and they see the sun every day. I had to become a robot. With heavy legs, I went to the cupboard and asked for clothes which they wear. For the first time. With a loud creak, the lid of the jar turned once.

“One order fulfilled, one turn of the lid”

I was not happy at all. But it was working. My desire to see the sky outweighed the sacrifice. Slowly, I learned to move like them, in specific paths, at specific times, inside the jar. The only thing that kept me going was my dearest possession, my thoughts. I thought about how silent space might be, what sound the river makes when a bird dips its beak into it, the irregular noises of the footsteps of people who are free to run anywhere they want. The creaking sound of the lid became frequent like my heartbeat.

And then it stopped. It stunned me. I had done everything the lid could have asked for. I was then a fully functional robot. I did not know what else to do. I kept thinking, and then I stopped. I was thinking, which I should not. Give up your prized possession, in exchange for a whiff of outside air. The last step. The last turn.

I did. I thought nothing for days, except the lid. And then it turned for the last time. My joy knew no bounds. I ran frantically towards the cupboard and asked something for the last time. A ladder. I climbed it up swiftly and pushed the lid with all my might. It fell to the side with the largest thud you will ever hear. Everyone looked at me. I was at the top. My lips were aching with smile, my eyes red with happy tears. Arms wide open, with my hair in a mess due to the outside air, I closed my eyes and turned my head up to see the one thing I cared for the most…

I opened my eyes and saw that ugly opaque lid above me, the lid of the jar in which we were kept.

Vain Odium

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I’m perched upon the highest branch,
Plucking the fruits of my dreams.
I feel a pull on my leg from down,
Yeah, I see through your schemes.
It took me everything to climb up here,
Which you’ll never have, sonny!
Its my talent that has brought me here,
Not my dad’s money.

My mom and dad weren’t loaded,
They had a thankless life.
Thankless job, anxious bed,
Pills and food in strife.
Yet they never surrendered,
Their tears told me “Fight back, honey! ”
Class is what I got from them,
Not their money.

You’re all riled up, I’m doing a job so fine,
The same job you have, but you fail to shine.
You forgot we were there at the same starting line,
We’re not so different you and I, just I have a stronger spine.
You think I achieved all these with my days always sunny?
Darkest nights are what I got through,
Not my money.

I know how to talk to people, they like me back,
Sometimes it makes things easy, yeah its kinda hack.
I use everything I’m good at, in an efficient way,
You could’ve too, but didn’t, so just stay away.
You question my ways, you spread rumors so funny!
My nerves are that which got me here,
Not my money.

You were born with a silver spoon, yet you persistently fail,
I earned mine and that makes you riot like hell?
Who the heck are you to tell me what I should do?
I couldn’t care less if you say you disapprove!
Go back to your cave with your thoughts all corny,
And let me savour my hard earned gifts of triumph;
And money.

The Flag

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She climbed the mountain as swiftly possible,
Stepping on every helping hand, which turned to dust.
She wanted her name atop the peak
To shine, ego being her only thrust.
Rivers of tears flowed through the ridges,
Empty claps echoed the hollowed hills.
People slowly reduced to dots,
But that never gave her the chills.
She reached her target with time to spare,
It was really something to brag.
But as she turned, she soon realized,
There’s no one to pass the flag.

The Moon On My Wall

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When her “Good morning” doesn’t wake you up,

When her “Goodnight” isn’t what you need.

When your calls go unanswered a lot,

When her comes, you no more pay heed.

You still hangout sometimes, but it is no more fun,

It’s like she can be the moon, but you aren’t her sun.

She glows without you, and you do too,

Your hour long calls have come down to minutes less than two.

Your cries for help go ignored, her words misunderstood,

Her late replies don’t get you angry, her voice doesn’t lighten your mood.

When the urge is no more there, to share the secrets you keep,

When every time she hurts you, the lesser do you weep.

It’s not that there’s no love, it’s when the spark ends.

Love has got no meaning, when you can no more be friends.

What’s the point of life, when you don’t complete her sentence?

When she doesn’t daydream ’bout being together ten years hence.

Thus before the heart breaks beyond, before they say “Told you so”

Before your supernova engulfs her, you have to just let her go.

They say time heals everything and years down the lane,

Your smiles would be real, and you won’t have to feign.

But you’ll say through the broken teeth, “For her? Yes I did fall”

“And she has been and always will be

The moon on my wall”

 

 

The Pen

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And you thought I’ll never pick up the pen, didn’t you?
You’re the only reason the words flowed through my hands?
You’re so wrong, there’s thousands of things that are already messed up,
You’re just a silicon in a world of only SiO2.

Well it’s true that your actions broke me into million pieces.
I still cannot forget what I saw through that window,
You’re the kind of material that a loser popularizes
In his memes, I should have known what you meant by “Let’s take things slow”.
I’m just a nerd and not a rich laid back snob,
I work hard till night in order to get a job.
And yes you were a chapter in my book of life,
But I don’t have a lot of money to throw to make you my wife.
You know they throw money at tramps in some parlors too,
And you thought I’ll never pick up the pen, didn’t you?

The window, through which I caught you fulfilling your needs,
There’s a beggar just by, who has a degree but mouths to feed.
Someone shot somebody over debt a few days ago,
No one asked him from where did he get his gun or ammo.
Classy people are robbing us in broad daylight,
Don’t even get me started over what happens at night.
Women are scared to walk even a few blocks alone.
They do unspeakable stuff to kids and poof! They’re gone.
Everyone keeps quiet, even those who aren’t meant to,
And you thought I’ll never pick up the pen, didn’t you?

Some might ask me “What’s with these sadistic thoughts?”
At least I don’t keep shut until I start to rot,
From inside, I’m shouting in the middle of the street,
“Please wake up!”, hoping some will hear me plead.
And get a voice of their own, starting a chain reaction,
It’s hard to put out a thousand roars, which will lead to action.
One drop do not make an ocean, billions do,
And you thought I’ll never pick up the pen, didn’t you?

The pen’s stronger than sword, till my last breath I’ll fight,
Whatever happens to me, I’ll never lose sight.
My pen is deserved by people who haven’t got a clue,
By hapless chaps who try and fail, and least of all, you.
And you thought I’ll never pick up the pen, didn’t you?

The Carver

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Hands bleeding, blood and sweat streaming, he’s done something laudable,
Twenty hours of carving rock in hell, he did the impossible.
The ending siren tore through the ears and cried with a shrill,
“Behold! It’s a living stone swan, but yet it stands still”.
The carver gives out a sigh, his smile knows no bounds,
The audience goes crazy, but his rivals don’t make sounds.
The teary eyed winner is taken to the factory owner, who says:
“Congratulations carver! You’ve done the best one, by God’s grace!
Look at all those feathers, they seem ruffled and yet so clean!
The texture, strength and balance, it looks so pristine!
Its eyes have life in them, as if God carved them Himself,
Its elegance is breath-taking, totally top of the shelf!”
The carver can’t hear them, his dream has come true,
He did something that everyone had told him he couldn’t do.
He reached a place similar to where his idols had been ;
Like Shakespeare did with King Lear, and Ronaldo with his feet.
The owner is still in awe, “How many nights didn’t you sleep?”
“How many days did you train?”
“Astounding! Just lay on this bed here,
And we’ll take out your brain.”

 

Carver’s shocked to the core, “Excuse me?”
“Yes son that’s what is the prize that makes you legend for eternity!”
“Our metal brain will crown your head, we’ll give you instruction,
You’ll make alluring sculpts and continue production.
You see, we need your hands only, and everything else is anomaly ;
Don’t worry, you’ll be you on weekends and go and meet your family. ”

 

He thinks at first his exhausted ears have totally gone wrong,
Getting hold of himself, he asks at last, begging his mind to be strong:
“But what about the sleepless nights that you just talked about?
What about all those days when I started to have doubt,
About myself, like what if these were all in vain?
What if I don’t get anything in return for all this pain?
What about all those days when I almost gave up?
When losers called me one of them, but yet I stood up?
What about my dad who sold his stable to just buy me rock?
What about my mom, who starved to keep food in stock?
What about my imagination which makes these casts almost true?
How about we change the world by doing something new?
I refuse to be another slave in this new world of machines.
Where everyone blurts taught words, when did we get so obscene? ”

 

The frown curves a bit more, owner says
” Then go be a hero!
Go and try changing the system and see it all amount to zero!
Like others before you, they all tried and bit the dust.
And for God’s sake think of your family, if you really must!
They have nothing to live on, they only have you,
So if you want to be a martyr, then they’ll die too.
Your dad brought you rocks? My dad taught me really nice,
If you know what one wants, everyone has a price”

 

His soul leaves him, the chisel falls from his hand.
He lays down on the bed quietly, he could no more stand.
The smirking owner runs his hand through his hair,
“You’ve been taught wrong son, the world isn’t fair!
The quicker you learn it, the less you’ll be sorry,
Everyone’s a slave in someone else’s story”.

I’m done

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“I’m done.

 

I’m done trying to please you, trying to make you look at me.

I’m done trying to change myself into something that I’m not, so that I live up to your expectations, only for you to turn me down again.

 

I’m done looking at his medals and his trophy room.

You know, I had a similar room…in my heart…you were the only trophy there.

Yeah people don’t call me by my name when I walk down the street.

Unlike him I don’t even have a new car;

I can’t boast of you like he does nowadays,

Like you are some kind of a commodity that he won on a science fair.

They said you can’t buy love, but somehow he managed the impossible.

Or did he?

 

If you get the time, ask him what’s the colour of your eyes,

What’s your favourite shade of lipstick,

What’s your favourite kind of fries,

How you get carried away when you listen to old Bollywood songs,

How you became cold hearted when that last guy broke your heart into a million pieces.

I think we both know what his answer will be.

I found warmth in your cold heart by the way,

I mean it’s not fully cold yet…you could have been saved again.

But you chose not to.

 

I know,

 

One day you’ll walk down the aisle,

Your head will be on his chest when you dance.

But you know what,

They will play my songs at your wedding.

People will recognize the artist by my fake name, the name you once suggested I should use to publish anonymously.

Maybe you’ll hide your tears or rub it on his expensive suit.

Knowing you could have been immortal through my words, but you chose to be rich.

I’ll be there you know, to look at you one last time… and let my pain flow through my words…

But till then…

 

I’m done.”

 

-The unsuccessful introvert

 

Look at me

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Look at me…

You know I’m standing right here,

Down where the ground touches my feet.

You’re high up on the highest branch,

Picking rotting fruits from a dying tree.

While I stand here with a basket of fresh ones,

Asking the squirrels to replace yours quietly.

 

Look at me…

 

You know when this tree was in its youth,

Was the time I was first able to see

You in that golden dress which they admired,

And you silently cried as the rough edges cut your skin.

But your tears couldn’t hide from me.

I know it was late, I should have come early;

The leaves were not as green as before, I see,

Yet they had colour enough to last eternity,

Before they turned brown.

 

Look at me…

 

I helped you make the dress you like,

As the smooth corners healed your sheen.

I picked the flowers myself but told the birds

To give them to you quietly,

Maybe because I wasn’t deigned enough to face you;

Or maybe because they say less of your beauty,

And more of the dresses you wore even if they hurt you,

But you liked my dress a little more;

Still you didn’t know me.

 

Look at me…

 

You know I’m standing right here,

My feet now on the sand in the scorching heat.

I know you feel my presence now, you can’t deny,

My eyes caress your hand now and then,

As they slowly find less tears in them as you turn empty.

You have learned to live with the fake flowers you receive,

You’ve caught the sneaky squirrels who kept you comfortable;

As you find comfort in the stench of dead dreams,

Which prevents the birds from scaling the skies.

 

Look at me…

 

You know I’m still standing here,

My legs bleed as the ants eat through my skin.

They love that odour, and now you live on it,

They killed the squirrels, they killed the birds,

They kill everything that breathes and yet you sit,

Rotting fruits devour your voice.

You don’t need to cry for help, you need only move your lips;

And you do, but not the way I want you to.

You chant their dirge as one of them,

I hold my flowers in hope they ward off the reek.

As the ground swallows me, my insides hurt,

Before I cry your name full of vowels;

As a last chance, so what I’m unworthy?

It’s the last chance for you to look at me…

And you do,

But not the way I want you to…

 

As I perish in peace,

Knowing the truth.

But at least you looked at me…

I wish he would stand forever,

The one and only dying tree.

 

The coveted pearl

The ‘thirsty’ oyster waited centuries for a rain drop to fall through his open shell,
It felt as if he had been waiting since the beginning of time
The dreamy, restless raindrop waited eagerly for years,
For the cloud to condense,
She couldn’t wait anymore…
And then they met.. On a stormy night..
When she ‘fell’ for him,
On the just closed shell,
Splashing into uncountable little pieces of her…